Traveling down the trail of life
Rough patches heavily worn
The looking lens bear no resemblances
The tattered mirror reveals the emptiness
Dare I nudge the conflicted connection
Wait…..there lies no reflection
Swaying between the fact and fiction
Teetering without a mission
Where this train stops, there ain’t no telling
Mind Battered and wounded
Wrapped up tightly it stays bounded
Forceful grin to he who looks within
The only thing that captivates me is the desire to win
Constraints to stay sane
To mask the constant pain
The struggling tributes that stain
The mere existence brings rain
Trudging through the mud
How did it flood?
Walking blindly through the obstacles
Feeling bare backed without a cover
Quick…..somebody hide me
Daring to break free
Hidden solutions taunt me often
Thoughts of the internal fire outweigh the sin
11:13 means more than what the clock reads
It’s life over death
The ending to begin
The trump card to all that fell behind
Learning and relating
Relating to learn
Saying yes to the task
That had already begun
And as rambled as this all seemed
Somehow, somebody just might believe the dream
***I’ve been trying to get this post out for the last 15 days, but finally here it is***
2013 sucked! Okay, Okay…..I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it’s true. 2013 had some highs, but oh did it have some lows! 2013 was like a roller coaster and I surely felt when it would incline and the gut wrenching drops. The best part about it is, you know the roller coaster will eventually stop and as you unbuckle your seat belt, you smile and walk away with a t-shirt bearing the words, “I survived to tell the story.”
2013 was a year of plentiful lessons that needed to be taught and lessons that needed to be learned. I can raise my hand confidently and say I received both. The biggest lesson for me was patience, understanding, and most of all……growth. I learned just how strong I was and boy I thought I knew my own strength. I accomplished a few small goals and I gained a few long-term goals. But most of all……I made it!!
Of all the things I learned in 2013, here are 13 things that stood out and gave me the biggest lessons:
1. Just because it sounds good in my head and even look great on paper, it still doesn’t mean it will happen that way.
Earlier in 2013(January) I moved back to Georgia without my Husband because I got transferred through my job. The plan had been I would get here and continue working and by the end of the month, he would be here with a job. Clearly we both missed the memo because He didn’t arrive until August.
2. Just How much I loved my Husband
I love my Husband clearly because I married him, but being separate from my Husband for those 8 months was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Even though we were visiting back and forth between South Carolina and Georgia, it wasn’t enough. I really missed my husband. Which brings me to #3…..
3. I cannot sleep peacefully without my Husband
I know that sounds just as cheesy as can be, but it is absolutely true! Being away from my Husband left me tossing and turning many nights because you seriously get use to sleeping next to your spouse. I got the best sleep when I would go to South Carolina and visit or when he would come to Georgia to visit me.
4. Stressing only makes it worse
I learned really quickly that stressing about any situation will not change the outcome. It only leaves you with plenty of headaches because in the end, it usually works itself out anyhow.
5. The Truth really does Hurt
You know how you just know something, but yet it doesn’t make sense until you actually see it up close and personal. Well, that is what I experienced a lot in 2013.
6. It’s really okay to say No
I do not have a hard time saying No, but what I do struggle with is saying No to certain people. Last year I was able to say No to some people who I wouldn’t generally say No to and it felt really good. Good enough to do it again if I need to….lol!
7. Crying is not a sign of weakness
I cry. Actually I am a cry baby. You would never know it unless you are family, a bestie(best friend), or my husband. I am that tough girl exterior, but a softy at heart. I always thought letting people know you cry shows that you are weak, but last year that changed. I learned that it is not a sign of weakness. However, crying does help release whatever you have pinned up inside. There were times crying was exactly what I needed and I could just move on to whatever it was that might have been bothering me.
8. The tongue is a mighty weapon.
I am so guilty of speaking before I think. This is just beyond the “Oh, I tell it like it is”. Bottom line……you have to chose your words carefully and every battle is not even worth having. Because if it is going to cause you grief and the party(s) involved, then it was never worth it to begin with. You cannot take back words. People forgive, but it is sometimes hard to forget.
9. Dust yourself Off and Try again.
There is a quote that always stick out in my head by retired basketball player Michael Jordan…..”I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But, I cannot accept not trying again.” It’s okay to keep trying because you will never know if you can, if you do not try.
10. It’s okay to be taken care of.
I am so used to taking care of others that when it is my turn, it actually feels foreign. Well, there were a few times last year, especially the last few weeks of the year that I had to surrender and be taken care of. And it felt good to finally accept that it’s okay.
11. Family and Friendship is important.
Sometimes when you do go through things and having your family there to support you through it, makes a difference. I could not have gotten through some parts of last year without Family and close friends.
12. Write the Vision.
My favorite scripture is Habakkuk 2:2-3.
“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.”
This has always been my go-to scripture over the last several years. Matter of fact, “Writing the vision” was prophesied to me at the start of the year. For me, seeing it is believing it. If I see it written then I can commit it to memory and believe that it shall come to pass.
13. I will never truly be at peace until I am walking in my God-given talents.
This is something I have known for quite sometime, but last year it was at the height of a lot of issues I was having mentally. My state of mind by the end of the year was that I must push and push until I am exactly where I am supposed to be. We fight for a lot of things and for me, that is what I am fighting for and I will not stop until I am there.
2013 was all about the lessons. 2014 will be about growth. Growing into what was given to me at birth and flourishing into what has already been planned. I welcome 2014 with open arms. 15 days into this new year and I can already see the start of this growth. And the Journey continues……
It is always the simplest things that we encounter that reminds us just who God is. Today I was on a search to find yet another background to put on my phone of a “Tree”. I don’t know what my sudden fascination with trees are. Since I have moved back to Georgia, I have found trees to be intriguing. I dream about them and I find myself doodling them on paper constantly. Lately my screen saver at work is displayed with different stills of trees and my background on my phone has been stills or illustrations of trees. How befitting with today’s fast on “Peace” did I stumble across a background of a tree with the words “be still” written across the pic. And at this moment I had what I like to refer to as an “Aha” moment. I felt a giddy feeling in my spirit and I couldn’t help but smile because I love when I am pondering things for a while and then it seems as though God nudges me and whispers “There you go my child….there’s your answer!” I immediately reflected on my year and I thought about how it began. This has been a trying year for me and looking back over it, the one word that sticks out is growth. So, how could that relate to trees. Easily…..trees for the most part stand firm and it weathers the many seasons that come and go, but just like it loses its leaves in the winter, the spring garners a full blossom. Mark 4:39 has been a go to scripture for me the majority of this year as a friendly reminder to be calm even in the midst of a storm.
Today I awoke with a heavy heart. The night before was filled with loads of tossing and turning. And usually when I go through that the next day is filled with tons of the “I don’t want to be bothered”, a sucky attitude, a little bit of raging, no appetite, and just walking around with a big cloud over my head. But, surprisingly enough today was not that day. On the way to work I talked with a good dear friend who helped me to put some things into perspective. It always amazes me that things you may not notice, an outsider looking in can pick up quickly. Change is always good, but when change affects your personality, your character, and even your mood…..it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.
So, while working today I decided to start working on this study guide I purchased yesterday called “A Time for Everything” –Discovering the Beautiful Rhythms of Life. It’s a Study Guide series through “Women of Faith”. The study guide is to help you find balance in your life. Immediately after starting it, I felt more at ease about some of the things that were bothering me. And just from completing the first assignment I learned that we have to stop allowing situations that are uncomfortable, inconvenient, and unpleasant to dictate our life. In those times we should be praying even more and praising him.
The scripture that supports this is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. The lesson as what was my favorite season and why, what season best described my life situation right now, what the times I enjoyed were, and what time I least enjoyed.
My favorite season is fall.
I love the crisp air, I love the color of the leaves from the trees, I immediately think of Thanksgiving. I think of family, apple cider, a warm fireplace. I love that it is not too hot and not too cold. Most of all, I love that you can sport the cute girly jackets and boots. The season that describes my life situation right now is winter. When I think of winter, I think of it being brutally cold, icy, and dark. The times I enjoy most per Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 were, “A time to laugh”, “A time to gain”, “A time to dance”, “A time of Peace”, and “A time to build up”. My times I least enjoy were “A time to weep”, “A time to lose”, “A time to mourn”, “A time to hate”, and “A time to break down”.
The lesson continues with the story of Paul and his traveling companions in Acts 16:16-34. Paul and his traveling companions didn’t complain or abandon the cause, but began to praise God in the middle of the difficult circumstance and in response God did something miraculous. It parallel with what I had been feeling about a particular situation and God was revealing to me that I had to learn to stop reacting to certain situations in the manner that I am reacting to them. When we find ourselves in situations that are uncomfortable, inconvenient, and unpleasant we need to continue praying and to praise God.
So, I today I learned a good lesson and I am looking forward to keeping up with a balanced Life.